Saving Face

Today I bought some makeup.

You really need to understand the context. I’m not against makeup, I just prefer feeling as if I don’t need it.

It’s really a mental thing. Once you get used to all the spots and wrinkles they stop bothering you so much. 🙂 I like looking at myself in the mirror and being okay with what I see. I find that if I use makeup a lot I will see myself without it and actually fell uglier. This leads me to suspect that truth-and beauty are very slippery things to define.

A lot of women will tell me that I don’t need it but at the same time feel totally convinced that they can never do without it. The only real difference between us is I’ve managed to (for the most part) grow comfortable with my less-refined appearance. And trust me, I know how hard the transition can be to make.

So in that light, let me tell you about some new experiences I’ve had lately. The first one came when my brother-in-law was designing some fliers and promotional items for me. On one flier he slipped in a picture of a photo-shopped me which he said was easier to print because of it’s smooth skin tones.

That picture made my heart do funny things. The girl on the flier is so perfect and beautiful it’s torturous. I can feel an ache in me to want to be her, and to want to represent myself as her but it’s just not the truth and it never will be.

So I told Jeremy to pull out the photo-shopping and put something in that’s more real. Hehe… now I’m nervous to see just what the flier will look like in the end.

Funny enough, I’m dealing with the same thing in a different medium as well. I’m really excited for a short feature that will be shot on me and my book for Shaw TV next week. I’ve been told that TV can do funny things to your skin and really bright lights will pull out every scar and zit and make you look shiny.

So I bought some makeup today. I needed some help to do it. 🙂 The lady at the make-up counter of shoppers was really great and helped me pick a few products that are supposed to make me look like… well… like I’m not wearing any make-up at all. 😛

I’m also going to get a coaching session next week with someone who will teach me the grand art of acting exactly ‘like yourself’ on camera. Weird. Is it just me or is this concept just sound strange?

What’s happening to me?! If there is one thing that I really want to do, it is to push back against Hollywood standards of beauty and help us all start to love our own skin again. I won’t deny it: I’m in an odd place… and I’m really curious to see what happens next. Will I be overcome and transform into a saucy beauty queen? Or will I have a break down and run away to live in the woods? Only time will tell! 🙂

Just in case you haven’t seen it: here’s a great video about this.

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About cjgosling

I paint, I sing, I walk in the rain. I'm clumsy and I love the smell of campfire. My head is full of imaginary things and the only thing I ever really want to do in life is write. My first book "Shadowlands: The Guardian" was released in Feb. 2011. The sequel is coming in 2012! View all posts by cjgosling

5 responses to “Saving Face

  • Rusty Biesele

    It will be interesting to see if the glitzy stuff pulls the 15 year old audience you were targeting out of their houses and down to the book signing. You might get some extra mileage out of the flyer if you were to put it in a couple of ARC’s of the book and donate the books to a few local high school libraries. Maybe the librarian would put up the flyer in that case.

  • Elle Strauss

    You bring up good points and the video is powerful. I'm not really a fan of extreme makeovers, but I'm not comfortable without make up either. I just feel more confident when I look like I have eyes. 🙂 Some people (like you!) really are natural beauties, but these gifts aren't handed out equally. I'm glad that I can use make up to make me feel better but I don't want to look like I'm wearing make-up either! PS: I'm a fan of mineral make-up. I think it's the best for evening skin tone without looking like you're wearing a mask.

  • CJ Gosling

    That's the stuff the makeup lady sold me 🙂

  • Shannon Mayer

    I think you are lovely either way! And if your zits and scars show, your target audience will love it 😉

  • Maplemusketeer

    Don’t worry CJ.. You’ll always have that character nose to fall back on! 😉

    I think that most everyone can attest to the true knowledge that a well grounded person who is in touch with their value and purpose radiates that thing so grandly noted as “inner beauty”. 😉 We all get frazzled and a little dinged on our journey.. but the more we get in touch with that center and heart.. the more we shine.

    And you my dear, shine across that ocean.

    So.. I know I should listen to my own advice.. and we’ll always be working on that won’t we? haha but let me re-affirm and guide you back to the truth in it all, that you are a beautiful person, regardless of make-up. And I feel rather dang lucky to be friends with you guys. 🙂

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