Today I bought some makeup.
You really need to understand the context. I’m not against makeup, I just prefer feeling as if I don’t need it.
It’s really a mental thing. Once you get used to all the spots and wrinkles they stop bothering you so much. 🙂 I like looking at myself in the mirror and being okay with what I see. I find that if I use makeup a lot I will see myself without it and actually fell uglier. This leads me to suspect that truth-and beauty are very slippery things to define.
A lot of women will tell me that I don’t need it but at the same time feel totally convinced that they can never do without it. The only real difference between us is I’ve managed to (for the most part) grow comfortable with my less-refined appearance. And trust me, I know how hard the transition can be to make.
So in that light, let me tell you about some new experiences I’ve had lately. The first one came when my brother-in-law was designing some fliers and promotional items for me. On one flier he slipped in a picture of a photo-shopped me which he said was easier to print because of it’s smooth skin tones.
That picture made my heart do funny things. The girl on the flier is so perfect and beautiful it’s torturous. I can feel an ache in me to want to be her, and to want to represent myself as her but it’s just not the truth and it never will be.
So I told Jeremy to pull out the photo-shopping and put something in that’s more real. Hehe… now I’m nervous to see just what the flier will look like in the end.
Funny enough, I’m dealing with the same thing in a different medium as well. I’m really excited for a short feature that will be shot on me and my book for Shaw TV next week. I’ve been told that TV can do funny things to your skin and really bright lights will pull out every scar and zit and make you look shiny.
So I bought some makeup today. I needed some help to do it. 🙂 The lady at the make-up counter of shoppers was really great and helped me pick a few products that are supposed to make me look like… well… like I’m not wearing any make-up at all. 😛
I’m also going to get a coaching session next week with someone who will teach me the grand art of acting exactly ‘like yourself’ on camera. Weird. Is it just me or is this concept just sound strange?
What’s happening to me?! If there is one thing that I really want to do, it is to push back against Hollywood standards of beauty and help us all start to love our own skin again. I won’t deny it: I’m in an odd place… and I’m really curious to see what happens next. Will I be overcome and transform into a saucy beauty queen? Or will I have a break down and run away to live in the woods? Only time will tell! 🙂
Just in case you haven’t seen it: here’s a great video about this.