Goblin Fart

So time has gone by- I’ve been busy editing the first book in my series and getting it ready for *yip* publication. Now that the manuscript is back in the hands of my lovely publisher I’ve had some time to work on my next book, and I must say… it’s been fun.

I’ve noticed I can tend towards the silly side in my writing- which is probably perfect for fifteen-year-old boys (my ideal audience) but I had to sit back today and wonder if I’ve just overdone it… take this little beauty I wrote this morning:

In the movies, goblins always wore rags and loincloths, or dark wicked-looking armour. This one wore a pair of jeans, a stained yellow t-shirt and a puffy hunting vest.

In the dim light, from far away, she guessed the goblins could have slipped into town to light the fires and possibly go unnoticed. Up close however, it was hard to miss the rusted machete hanging from the goblin’s belt–or the smell.

The odour was like rotten blood and stale musk. Moreanna couldn’t help but remember the leaky infection she’d seen on the back of a stray dog, or the mold-slimed pizza she’d had to pull out of a garbage can. The goblin smelled worse than both of them put together. Moreanna buried her nose deep into her arm and held her breath as the goblin drew nearer.

To her horror, it stopped right in front of her. Moreanna began to squirm. She risked a small breath and choked. She pressed her lips tightly together, ignoring her lungs’ demand for oxygen. The goblin slid the machete back into his belt and lifted a leg partly off the ground.

Moreanna, on the verge of passing out, pinched her nose and opened her mouth for a desperate breath.

The goblin farted.

She gagged and toppled over. Choking, she scrambled backwards, sliding deeper into the ditch. She wanted to tear her tongue out. She’d swallowed a lungful of goblin fart and nothing could ever remove the taint of it from her mouth. She could never kiss a boy again.

So what do you think? Should I keep it?

😀

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About cjgosling

I paint, I sing, I walk in the rain. I'm clumsy and I love the smell of campfire. My head is full of imaginary things and the only thing I ever really want to do in life is write. My first book "Shadowlands: The Guardian" was released in Feb. 2011. The sequel is coming in 2012! View all posts by cjgosling

6 responses to “Goblin Fart

  • Liz

    Well, I'm not a 15-year-old boy, nor do I HAVE any 15-year-old boys — I have girls! But still I say, ditch it. Makes me gag. But again, I'm not a 15-year-old boy! Congrats on the book being in the hands of the publisher, too, as that is WONDERFUL. Just wondering — as a writer of fantasy, how do you feel about the element of mystery in a fantasy book. It seems to be pretty rare, but let's face it, it's a best-seller in any genre. It's something that's part of the books of L.R. Saul (author of "Bloodline: Alliance" and "Bloodline: Covenant). Just makes her books different, I guess.

  • Shannon

    I actually liked it! I have nephews and they would love it as they were rolling on the floor laughing!Monday should work fine, I take it you won't be able to make the tuesday meeting?

  • CJ Gosling

    Personally, I think mystery is essential. I want people to keep reading simply because they have no idea what will happen next. A bare bones 'quest' story is as predictable as a video game… but add some mysterious twists and turns, a couple vicious surprises… and you've written something I can't wait to read!

  • BrighterBooks

    I like it! I like it even as a short story, or add-on — but there could be ways to incorporate the passage into the next novel and make it really fun.

  • CJ Gosling

    It's already in the book!

  • Jordan

    I think it's great! I hate it when goblins break wind. It's like dog farts times twenty! 😛

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